In long term happy relationships and marriages, couples have learned to communicate and choose their words wisely. Constant confrontation is not a good way to go, for either you or your spouse. Choose your battles wisely. Decide what issue or two is really bothering you, then approach your spouse when neither one of you are distracted by something else, when time is available to really converse. Speak honestly but tactfully. Share your feelings. A successful conversation will help you feel better about yourself and your spouse, and chances are your sex life will become more adventurous, or more intense.
Use What Works, and Throw Away What Doesn’t
All relationships and marriages have their ups and downs. The trick is to remember the times when things were going well. Were you laughing, displaying acts of kindness, were you washed in a romantic moment? Repeat these moments when you can and watch your relationship really warm up. Nagging, pestering, and pouting do not bring the lasting results you are looking for. Become aware of what works to heighten your partnership and forget about the negative actions that didn’t work in the first place.
The Seductive Solution
Determine to spend more time with your spouse. Take time to work up to the moment even if you start out not in the mood. Taking the time to cultivate the closeness you desire can boost up both your libidos. Try something new, even if it’s only to leave on the light, or use candles or music. You want to start a new cycle that helps jump-start a fulfilling encounter.
Just Do It
Just because your sex drive has dwindled, doesn’t mean you have an arousal problem. Often you just need to push through the thoughts that say you are too tired or not interested. Once you get into the act, arousal often follows. Some experts say the libido is like a muscle. If you don’t work it out, it atrophies. Providing proper stimulation can re-invigorate your lust factor.
Embers vs Fireworks
Couples often think back to the beginning of their relationship, when hormones were raging and passion was overwhelming. But long-haul sexuality is often inspired by fleeting images such as your husband playing with your children, your wife dressed in heels, or perhaps a movie you found arousing. Don’t allow those moments to go unnoticed; act on them.
Focus on the Exceptions
Desire often blooms under specific conditions. Some people feel especially romantic when it’s raining, for some a long soak in the hot tub does the trick. Be in tune with the conditions that get you stimulated and provide those opportunities for yourself.
Know Yourself
Different stimulus works differently for people. Just as certain environments affect people as mentioned above, a variety of physical stimuli can enhance your sexual experiences. Be aware of your own body and dare to experiment. Try watching an exceptionally sexy movie, or try out lotions or toys. Communicate with your partner and make sure he/she is willing to experiment with you. You must find out what works for you and tell your partner. They most often cannot read your mind. Perhaps they are also having the same thoughts.
Act the Part
I hesitate to use the term ‘fake it ‘till you make it’ here, so let me clarify. I am not talking about faking orgasm. I am referring to thinking back to a time when you felt more sexual, then do the very same things you used to do then. Instead of clothing yourself in your normal comfortable clothes, slip into something sexier. Wear clothing that makes you feel more daring. Try out a new cologne.
Novelty
After you have been together for a while, sex often becomes routine. If you are doing the same things in the same order, over and over again, you probably won’t feel stimulated. Try the unexpected. Try a new position or explore a different part of your partner’s body. You can change things by improving the way you approach lovemaking. Be creative and push yourself to keep an open mind. You may surprise yourself and your spouse.
The Seesaw Effect
Some couples designate sexual responsibilities. However, the more one person is in charge the easier it is for the other person to sit back and wait. The more highly-sexed partner can become upset or defeated, feeling that you don’t love him/her anymore. If you are the one who usually waits for your partner to begin foreplay, change it and you initiate the fun. Rediscover your passion before it is too late.
Just Say When
There will be times when you simply don’t feel like having sex. But instead of just saying “No” or “I’m too tired,” which can feel like a flat out rejection, offer an alternative. Try saying, “I’m exhausted. But if you can wait until I catch a nap, I’d love to fool around then.” Or, “Let’s hold off until the kids go to sleep.” You don’t want to rebuff your spouse without showing that you care.
Give a Gift
Even if you are not in the mood, you can show your love to your spouse by doing something sexually that would please her/him. This doesn’t mean pretending to being aroused or doing something that makes you uncomfortable. It simply means showing some enthusiasm. Tell your spouse you want to please her/him and ask what she/he would like for you to do. Then do it.
Source: WomensHealthBase.com
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