5 Ways To Love Lights-On Sex

By Keely Savoie, Prevention editor

We’ve all been there. You’re gearing up for an afternoon delight, but with the lights on and the sun shining, you find your mind racing instead of your heart. If sex has you worried about why your (insert body part here) looks so (insert unkind self-criticism here), you’ve got a lot of company, finds a recent study.

Researchers questioned men and women in long-term relationships about whether they get distracted by their own body parts during sex. Participants were also asked how they thought their partners viewed their bodies. No big shocker here: Both men and women were distracted by negative thoughts about their own bodies, with women frequently citing their breasts and bellies. What is surprising—and let’s be real, pretty sad—is that women’s sexual satisfaction was also inhibited by worry about what her partner thinks about her body.

“Focusing your attention on negative feelings about your body diminishes your ability to enjoy sex,” says lead study author Patricia Pascoal, a sex therapist and PhD candidate at the University of Lisbon. In other words, while you’re busy sucking in your tummy, you’re missing out on an opportunity to connect with your partner. It’s also important to remember that just because you think your partner is critical of your body doesn’t mean he is, she says. “Communication is key.”

“At any age and with whatever body you have, you have the potential for pleasure as long as you open yourself to that,” says Debby Herbenick, PhD, research scientist at Indiana University and author of Sex Made Easy.

Here, five ways to get out of your own head, and into the sack—even with the lights on.

1. Give yourself a reality check. 

Even Cindy Crawford famously said she wished she looked like the Cindy Crawford on magazine covers. “We are surrounded by images that are not real women,” says Herbenick. “If you catch yourself thinking ‘I wish I looked like that,’ remind yourself that she doesn’t look like that either.”

2. Do some sweat prep. 

“Thin isn’t everyone’s ideal,” says Herbenick. “A lot of people feel attractive when they’re flexible enough to get in a certain position or when they feel strong or fit.” Exercise to feel good—whatever that means to you—and you’ll feel better about how you look in any situation.

3. Put matter over mind. 

“Remember that the mind is the biggest sex organ,” says Herbenick. “When your mind strays, focusing on how your partner’s hair smells or how the sheets feel against your skin can help keep your mind in the present moment.” Keeping yourself in the moment also has the happy benefit of enhancing arousal and making orgasm easier, says Herbenick.

4. Set the scene.

You wouldn’t throw a dinner party without setting the table, so do whatever it takes for you to feel a little sexier. Even the sight of a neatly made bed—with the pillows actually on the bed and not heaped on the floor next to it—can do wonders. And don’t forget candlelight. A little clichéd, perhaps, but having candlelight in your boudoir will cast a sexy—and flattering—glow, says Herbenick.

5. Dress the part. 

Batman’s not so brave without his bat suit, so take a page from the caped crusader and arm yourself with some gorgeous undergarments. “Wearing lingerie can make women feel super-sexy and help overcome worries about perceived body flaws,” says Herbenick. There’s nothing like a little lace to give a gal some gusto.

Source: Prevention

The Trouble With Oral Sex

It's supposed to be the ultimate pleasure for women—so what's my problem?

By Sarah Hepola, MarieClaire editor

RECENTLY, I WAS IN BED with a guy whose sheets I'd wanted to get tangled up in for a while. It was our third date, but I was hoping for a thousand more, and we were having the kind of intense and passionate sex that makes you believe that might be possible. I felt so close to him with our eyes locked and our bodies bendy from red wine. But suddenly he pulled away and disappeared beneath the covers, diving headfirst between my thighs.

"I could do this forever," he said, his voice muffled by the blanket. All I could think was, Please don't.

Let me be clear: It's not that I hate oral sex. A tongue feels good anywhere it roams, and I'm not bothered by the fact that bodies don't exactly taste like cherry soda all the time. But oral sex demands total surrender to the moment and the person you're with. Unfortunately, I am often stuck in my own head. Instead of being lost in ecstasy, when a guy goes down on me, I'm worrying about loose hairs, whether or not his jaw is getting exhausted, and how I look down there. Or my mind wanders to things that have absolutely nothing to do with sex: I fret that I'm late with the cable bill or that I left the iron on. I worry that I will never reach orgasm, which usually ensures that I won't, because nothing detracts from erotic abandon like performance anxiety. All too often, receiving oral sex spirits me away from a universe of pleasure and into the troublesome territory of overeager den mother: Are you sure you're OK down there? Do you need anything to drink? Would anyone like cookies?

It's too bad I feel this way because the men I date seem happier than ever to go down on me. I figure it's a power thing. Decades of feminism and accessible porn have made women more comfortable with their bodies and more sexually aggressive, and guys may find it thrilling to make a woman vulnerable, to have her thighs trembling on either side of their face. It must be a huge rush to transform your partner into a puddle of id—which I completely understand because that's how I feel when I go down on a guy. Don't get me wrong: Many women adore oral sex, and I consider it a sign of sexual progress that a man's oral skills now give him bragging rights.

However, I'm not the only woman I know who feels ambivalence toward oral sex. When I asked female friends for their opinions, many gave less than stellar reviews: It takes too long. Guys don't know what they're doing. It requires a shower. One friend was obsessed with the notion that bits of mealy toilet paper could be stuck down there. Another simply said, "Meh." And pop culture reflects our ambivalence. When television shows and books portray a woman receiving oral sex (and it's a rare occurrence), it's often clumsy and unfulfilled. Take the much-talked-about scene in the HBO show Girls, in which a sexually inexperienced character squirms while a guy goes down on her—I can relate to that full-body cringe. Meanwhile, the heroine in Fifty Shades of Grey is so out of touch with her body that she doesn't masturbate, and the whole book reads like wish fulfillment for women unable to articulate what turns them on. Voilà—a best seller.

In the end, the real trick to enjoying any sexual act is to know what you want and how to ask for it. So here is what I need: a dark room. Occasional giggles. Occasional quiet. A finger in the right spot helps. A vibrator can be fun. I've found that oral sex is not casual for me, which means that—I'm sorry, sailor—you can't show up at midnight, jump under the sheets, and expect to blow my mind. What I need more than anything is someone I trust and am comfortable with. Maybe that just won't happen by date number three. Till then, I'd prefer if my lovers kept their heads above the covers.

Source: MarieClaire

5 Ways To Get Your Sex Life Back On Track

By Laura Petrecca, Prevention editor

It's a little after midnight. Your heart is pounding, the sheets are soaked with sweat, and the bedspread is kicked to the floor. As you shift to yet another position, your partner's eyes turn to you.

This ought to be a steamy sex scene, but it's not. This is what's replaced your sex life these days—tossing and turning instead of bumping and grinding. The big "O"? That's Oprah, right? Blame your work, the incessant carpools, the mountains of laundry, the endless meal preparations—all those unsexy things that make you and your partner feel more like innkeepers than lovers.

It's easy to get swept away by the rapids of your life instead of your passion. But if you care for each other and for yourself, you need to put a stop to whatever stopped the fun things you used to do in bed.

Here are 5 tips from the pros on how to get your sex life back on track—and better than ever:

1. Introduce some sexy talk. 

Like most great ventures, great sex starts with a conversation. Just you and your partner, talking about your pent-up desires, crazy fantasies, and how you feel about your bodies.Um, right, you'd rather give a speech naked in the Vatican square. But getting past your feelings of awkwardness and sheer terror is worth the results.

"People don't want to talk about their needs because they think it's criticizing, but it's not," says Beverly Whipple, PhD, a certified sex counselor and president of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality in Allentown, PA. "It's taking responsibility for yourself."

If your bedmate is working with obsolete data, it's your job to provide an update. Okay, so this can be tricky. You're yearning for change, but you don't want to criticize. That's where the right approach comes into play. If you keep a positive attitude, you'll spare your partner's feelings and still get the results you want.

"Talk about what you like rather than what you don't like," says Michele Weiner Davis, MSW, a marriage therapist in private practice in Woodstock, IL, and author of The Sex-Starved Marriage: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido. "Say 'I really like it when you give me little kisses on the lips' instead of 'I don't like sloppy, wet open-mouthed kisses.' " A surefire method is to catch your partner mid-act and coo, "Ooh, I really like that."

2. Lay it all out there. 

Specifics are also essential. There's no universal dictionary for sexual terms such as making love, kinky sex, or fooling around—each has an endless list of potential definitions. Your idea of wild sex might include rose petals and massage oil, while your partner visualizes battery-operated sex toys and leather underwear.

Case in point: One frustrated wife turned to a therapist when her spouse didn't shift techniques after she asked him to make love rather than have sex. To him, both terms simply meant intercourse. But to her, sex was a quick sexual release, while making love included romantic whispers, soft hair stroking, keeping your eyes open, and prolonged cuddling in bed. And once she provided detailed instructions on her desires, her husband quickly got the picture.

If you're having serious sexual problems, however, the conversation will be more sensitive. You need to know when—and how—to approach your partner. "The worst time to talk about problems is when you're in bed, nude, lying down after a mediocre or bad experience," says Barry McCarthy, PhD, a certified sex therapist, professor of psychology at American University in Washington, DC, and coauthor (with his wife) of Rekindling Desire. "You may be making a good point, but the emotions are too raw. You're both too vulnerable." Instead, bring up touchy subjects in a less-threatening environment such as over breakfast, while going for a stroll, or after you've just finished dinner.

And remember: Spoken cues are not all that can fuel your sex life; nonverbal tip-offs also have their place. Many couples use openly understood signals that mean they want some action.

3. You have to educate yourself. 

Clearly, the more you know about sex, the better you can put it into practice. So replace that bedside biography with some rapturous reading. Whether it's a self-help book, The Joy of Sex, or the Kama Sutra, most relationship guides provide step-by-step instructions (and detailed pictures) to bolster your sexual know-how.

If reading doesn't turn you on, don't worry. You no longer have to slink behind a video-store black curtain to get your hands on some reel sex tutorials. A plethora of adult movies—from educational tapes to pure erotica—is available online and shipped in discreet packages. Some couples take advantage of in-home pay-per-view options. All you need is a remote control and the wherewithal to scan spoof titles such as Bonfire of the Panties, The Little Spermaid, or For Your Thighs Only.

While racy books and movies showcase inventive moves, nothing is more educational than hands-on experience. Sensual contact is an Rx that McCarthy frequently prescribes. "Not all touch has to be predictable and lead to intercourse," he says. "Erotic non-intercourse touching can be just as exciting." He suggests scheduling private time for exploration sessions of soaping each other up in a bath, massaging each other's scalp and forehead, and rubbing the soles of each other's feet. There are no demands or preset expectations during this exercise, just simply pleasuring one another.

4. Don’t confuse fiction with reality. 

While erotic movies can be a turn-on for some couples, the sexual images so pervasive in our culture often serve up an erroneous message. Racy sex scenes ring up box office sales, but they're unrealistic icons for everyday life."

In the movies, there's extramarital or premarital sex. It's never marital sex," says McCarthy. "It's intense and nonverbal, which is the wrong model for an ongoing relationship."While lingerie and stilettos work instantly for movie coitus, real-life sex takes more of an effort. In a world filled with physical, emotional, and financial obligations, you'll need creative thinking to make sex a priority.

Sara and Kevin White experienced this after the birth of their daughter. At the end of a stressful day, all Sara wanted was sleep. So when Kevin's workload was light, he stopped home during lunch. This mid-afternoon sex break took effort for both of them, but it kept their love life alive during a stressful period. Intimacy dates, such as this afternoon delight, is just what therapists prescribe for a lifetime of healthy sex.

"Desire is a decision," says Weiner Davis. "It's not just a feeling that washes over you. You have to decide to make time for it. There's no reason why anybody who wants more passion in their life can't make it happen."

5. Know when to seek help. 

Almost every relationship hits sexual road bumps along the way, but if you or your partner are extremely unhappy or have ongoing physical difficulties, it's important to seek professional help. People will take a car in for a checkup immediately, but they won't do that with a relationship, says Janice Nadeau, PhD, a licensed marriage therapist in private practice in Minneapolis.

Here are some sex problems that may be too hot—or complicated—for you to handle:

• Hormonal swings during perimenopause and menopause that can lead to libido-sapping weight gain and moodiness. Changes in estrogen levels can also cause vaginal dryness and irritation. A doctor can detect hormonal changes, while over-the-counter water-based lubricants soothe soreness.

• Medical ailments such as diabetes, high blood pressure, and hardening of the arteries that can restrict your bloodflow to erogenous zones. Depression and anxiety also diminish desire.

• Medications such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressants (i.e. Paxil, Prozac, and Zoloft) and blood pressure drugs that can trigger arousal and orgasm difficulties. If you have problems, ask your doctor about alternatives such as the antidepressant Wellbutrin.

• Female sexual pain, clinically called dyspareunia or vaginismus, that comes from a variety of sources such as less-elastic vaginal tissue, vaginal scarring, or endometriosis. See a gynecologist for treatment options.

• Oral contraceptives that dampen desire (though some may boost sexual drive by preserving spontaneity). If your libido is sagging, ask about switching pills.

• Fear of sexual failure, especially in the area of erectile dysfunction. The first step is a medical diagnosis and possible treatment; the next is to talk to a sex therapist about performance anxiety.

Source: Prevention

5 Things He Wants You To Say In Bed

By Margeaux Baulch Klein, SheKnows editor

For a man, nothing is sexier than a woman who is loud in bed and participates in a little dirty talk. Below are five things your man is dying to hear you mouth off about.

Him

Men want to know that you're not visualizing someone else when you're with them or just phoning it in, so although it may seem basic, saying (or screaming out) his name in bed is a good way to ease into dirty talk. Punctuate it with a few "ooohs" and moans and it will be more than enough to get him going.

The Action

If you're being a tad quiet, many men will take the initiative and let you know what they'd like to hear by peppering you with questions, such as "What am I doing to you?" and "How does that feel?"In this case, simply describing the mise en scène and how you feel will suffice. However, don't feel like obligated to use cuss words if it's not your style. Instead, take a cue from romance novels and utilize under-used verbs like "pulse," "swell," and "throb."

Your Fantasies

Nothing counts when it's said in between the sheets, so if you're feeling confident, why not seize the opportunity and tell him all of your craziest fantasies and dreams? If the thought leaves you tongue-tied, try practicing in front of a mirror – especially the particularly naughty parts – until you are able to say them without feeling embarrassed or laughing.

Stock Dirty Phrases

Sometimes just having sex is intimate enough, and the idea of pouring out all of your deepest desires, especially in a new relationship, is too much. However, you don't want to be mute. For those times, any of the following stock sexy phrases will work:

"Oh, yeah, right there!"

"That feels amazing"

"Don't stop, harder"

"I want you so bad"

"Give it to me!"

"You animal!"

Get Creative

Men can be just as insecure as women; so sometimes a little vocal encouragement is all that's needed to let them know that you are enjoying what they're doing. Sometimes a few soft purrs can be just as effective as a well-rehearsed speech, so don't be afraid to get creative. Whatever you do to cheerlead them along will make your bedroom romp all the more exciting.

Source: SheKnows

5 Fall Date Ideas To Rev Up The Romance

By Jessica Padykula, SheKnows editor

With summer winding down, it’s time to start thinking ahead to cooler temperatures, especially when it comes to love. Not sure what to do or where to go with your guy? Between outdoor adventures and season-specific outings, fall can be a lot more fun than you think.

1. Go apple picking

There’s no better way to eat seasonal and local than by heading to the closest apple farm to pick your own fruit. Not only will you be enjoying the fresh air, but you can gather enough goodies to go home and try your hand at baking a pie together. The crisp, fall air is energizing and apple picking is something you can only do in the fall, which makes it special.

2. Hit up a state fair

Cotton candy and rides and games, oh my! What could be better than a day spent arm in arm with your man while you take in the action at a local state fair? Greasy food, silly rides and the chance for him to win you a stuffed animal all combine for a laid back but ultra-fun day for two. Fall is prime time for fairs, so do a quick search here to find the closest one to you.

3. Head out on a hike

A fall hike is a great way to get to know someone better or boost your bond with someone you’ve been seeing for a while. Whether you’re six months into a relationship or six years, a brisk walk through some gorgeous trails makes for a romantic (and athletic) afternoon. Local Hikes provides a comprehensive list of hiking trails near metropolitan areas making it easy to find one near you. Don’t forget to bring your camera to capture the fall colors.

4. Stay in and get cozy

Too blustery out for a hike or trip to the fair? There’s nothing more romantic than staying in and cuddling up under a blanket together for a cozy night in. Stock up on your favorite snacks, choose some movies you both want to watch, light some candles, open a bottle of wine and spend the afternoon or evening relaxing in the warmth of your living room.

5. Take a day trip

Whether it’s to hike further afield, check out a cute town you’ve never been to, or simply do something different for a day, taking a mini road trip is a fun fall date that goes beyond your usual activities. The best reason to get out of town in the fall? To see the fall foliage! Check out where to head to see the bursts of yellow, red and orange with a handy fall foliage map.

Source: SheKnows

Your Hands-on Guide to Masturbation

Masturbation is one of the sexiest ways to please yourself. We tell you how to throw a party for one.

By Lisa Chudnofsky, Cosmopolitan editor

Even though masturbation seems less taboo these days, the National Health and Social Life Survey reported that 58 percent of women don't indulge. And of those who do, 47 percent feel guilty. It's ridiculous, insists Pepper Schwartz, PhD, author of Everything You Know About Love and Sex Is Wrong. "Masturbation prepares you for great sex, since you learn what you like and can teach a partner," she says. Every girl should know how to masturbate. Here, a helping hand.

Solo Step 1: Get into the M Mind-Set

It takes more than a five-second lip-lock to get you in the mood for sex with him. Same holds true for a DIY session. To light your libido, create an atmosphere for arousal: a haven sans distractions where you can say to hell with inhibition. Lock the door so no one bursts in. Disconnect your phone(s). Add ambience with candles and slow jams. Next, tune in to your head space.

"If you're watching CNN and trying to masturbate, it's going to take a while," says Rachel Venning, cofounder of the sex boutique Toys in Babeland and coauthor of Sex Toys 101.

"In order to reach your peak, you need to relax and focus."

If it takes a glass of wine to block out your boss (buzz kill!) and transition from work to play, cheers. Once you feel mentally uncluttered, fill your mind with sexy thoughts. Picturing Johnny Depp in a loincloth might help. Or do as Liz,* 28, does. "I have a videotape of Top Gun that I keep set to the volleyball scene," she says. "All that action makes me want to get some."

*Names have been changed.

Solo Step 2: Explore Down South

One of the most private places to awaken your senses is in the tub. To get started, draw a bubble bath.

"As you soak in the warm water, your muscle tension will melt," says Schwartz. "You'll be more responsive to touch when you're relaxed."

Increase the release by massaging your inner thighs and running your hands up your tummy and over your breasts. Now circle your nipples with a sudsy fingertip, then gently tug on them.

"If this is an erogenous zone for you, it may trigger tingles down below," adds Schwartz. Now zero in on your hot spots by getting even more hands-on.

"Our fingers are ideal tools for learning what type of pressure, speed, and stroke work the best," says Sadie Allison, sex educator and author of Tickle Your Fancy: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Self-Pleasure.

Let your digits wander south, tracing the sensitive folds of your inner labia. Get playful and draw the alphabet with your pinkie. Or try lightly tapping your clitoris with one finger, speeding up as you become aroused. All the while, note areas and touches that provide the most satisfaction.

Bottom line: You're the master of your own domain. It takes trial and error to figure out what makes you tick. Experiment and you'll be surprised by the sexy sensations you can provoke. Take it from Sara, 23, who stumbled upon her own tub turn-on (and incidentally hasn't taken a shower since):

"As the tub was filling up, I moved closer to the faucet to adjust the temperature," she explains. "The running water splashed on my clitoris and immediately felt good. So I wrapped my feet around the faucet and let the water flow over me. The excitement kept building."

Solo Step 3: Try These Techniques

Now to hit your high note, you'll need to intensify the manual manipulation.

"There's no one method that works for everyone," explains Allison, "but certain stroking styles are tried and true." Like a move she calls The Figure Eight. Use one or more fingers to glide up, over and around your clitoral area, tracing the number eight. You'll cover the clitoris and the inner labia -- a lusty locale that has nerve endings within its walls, which some women find even more arousing than the clitoris.

Another favorite is The Compass. Hold two fingers out straight, side by side, and run them north to south and east to west over the width and length of your entire pleasure zone.

A more advanced method is The Three-Fingers Thrill. Use your index and ring fingers to hold open your labia. This frees up your middle finger to stroke the tip of your clitoris. Ultimately, you'll know what strikes a chord when a warm, flush feeling starts to set in.

"Try not to be super goal-oriented, like, 'I have to have an orgasm in less than 15 minutes,' " says Venning.

Just ride the wave of pleasure as your nether regions become more sensitive, your heart rate zooms, your breathing intensifies, and the walls of your vagina begin to contract -- all telltale signs you're bound for bliss.

Solo Step 4: Feel the Vibrations

Missy Elliott is on to something: Toys can be titillating.

"Vibrators provide one of the strongest and most consistent forms of stimulation," says Judy Kuriansky, PhD, sex therapist and author of Generation Sex.

Introduce the buzz factor once you've prepped yourself for pleasure, and it could make an orgasm a sure thing. But you have to know how to summon the sensations. Begin by working the vibrator over your clitoris, using the same techniques as described previously. (You may want to keep your panties on at first as a buffer; the buzz can be intense.) Then tease yourself by alternating speeds as your desire builds. Just remember to switch up your routine.

"Vibrators are great training wheels, especially for the gal who thinks she'll never get there," says Kuriansky.

A word of caution though: Too much humming can potentially cause your nerve endings to become somewhat desensitized. Pace your usage of this joy stick and let your fingers do the work on the off days. Now that you know what makes your body tick, it's time to share your stimulating secrets with someone you love...or at least lust for.

Accidental Orgasms

Sometimes those Os come from surprising sources.

"I was in the hotel's hot tub when I flipped around to order a drink and inadvertently discovered perfect jet placement. Before I could say piña colada, the water pressure had sent me over the edge."--Courtney, 19

"In the car, I keep my cell between my legs. One drive home, I was pissed at my guy so I refused to answer his calls. I guess he was worried -- he was pretty persistent. Luckily, the phone was on vibrate."--Allie, 26

"I bought my jeans a size too small because they stretch, but I should've broken them in before class. Halfway through a lecture, my pants were practically molesting me. I had to excuse myself."--Nat, 21

"My waxer moves my panties around as she works. One time, she pulled them up out of the way so she could get to the sides. The friction made me forget that Brazilians are supposed to be painful."--Sarah, 32

Source: Cosmopolitan

How to get him to fall in love with you

By Jessica Padykula, SheKnows editor

Dating is one thing, but sealing the deal with a guy you click with can be a lot tougher. But before you let fear of losing something good take over, know that there are some simple but effective strategies for getting Mr. Almost to become Mr. Right.

Find common ground

You’re not going to like everything he likes (and nor should you have to), but finding something significant the two of you can really bond over is an effective step towards securing someone’s interest. It could be a sport (do you both play baseball, love football?), a cause (do you support the same charity?), a passion (do you both love to travel, surf or follow the same band?), but the key is to find that common ground and then use it to build your bond.

Get in with his friends

If he introduces you to his friends, that’s a good sign. If his friends like you, that’s an even better sign. The “friend test” is something we all do and one that can be an important factor in whether or not two people will stay together past the “just seeing each other” phase. Work on being as relaxed as possible around his friends, make them laugh and show that you can easily integrate into the group.

Be around -- but not too much

You don’t want to play games, but you also don’t want to be at his beck and call. If he thinks he’s the one in control, he may lose interest since there’s no longer any challenge involved. You want to keep things interesting by being around, but not available every time he calls or texts. Give him the impression that you like him, but that you also have a life outside of your time spent together. It will give him time to miss having your around, which is important.

Project confidence

Confident people get what they want -- jobs, promotions and yes, even love interests. So before you start giving into shyness, allowing yourself to feel like he’s too good for you or that you can’t possibly be the right woman for him, take a deep breath and dig deep to embrace your confident side. This doesn’t mean being conceited or demanding, but simply showing that you believe in yourself and know how to get what you want.

Let him feel needed

Asking a guy for help can boost his confidence. You definitely don’t want to come across as needy, but you do want him to feel like he’s a significant part of your life. Ask his opinion, confide in him about anything you need some input about or simply see if he can help you fix something or get something done. You don’t want to come off as a damsel in distress, but it can help the two of you get closer if he feels like he’s providing you with something you need.

Source: SheKnows

12 Red Flags Not to Ignore When You’re Dating

Is he good enough to date? Not if he pulls one of these moves!

By Julie Fishman, iVillage editor

1. On the first date he says, “Let’s have sex.”

Men have sex on their minds and sometimes they can’t help but voice their carnal intentions. This is normal: A man’s spoken desire to rip your clothes off may even turn you on. However, if all he seems to talk about from date one is getting you in his bed, he may take you for a floozy. When “let’s get busy” comes before “what’s your name?” it’s a sign that he’s only interested in getting to know you on a sexual, not personal, level.

2. He doesn’t make you feel special

Your boyfriend is supposed to love you. He’s supposed to make you feel like the most beautiful, intelligent, wonderful woman in the world. If he’s not making you feel special, it’s time to re-evaluate how he is making you feel. We’d take a wild guess it’s something other than good.

3. His idea of a date is a booty call

You’d be surprised how many women confuse late-night hookups with actual relationships. You should know that if a guy’s truly interested in you, he’s going to take you out, not merely invite you to join him once he’s already at the bar with his boys, or call you after midnight just to “see what you’re up to.” And if that’s exactly what’s going on, then you, my friend, are merely his last resort when he can’t find another chick to take home.

4. He gushes about another woman

Whether he can’t shut up about his new coworker, yoga teacher, or supposed “friend,” if your guy goes on and on about another woman, he could be guilty of emotional cheating and may not be far from physical cheating. His focus on this particular woman may start with a few short mentions and slowly graduate to extended conversations about everything from her career choice to her coffee choice.

5. He’s shady with his phone

If he’s always receiving calls in the middle of the night, and takes them in another room, or grabs his phone the second it rings in the hopes that you won’t see the caller ID, he’s probably not talking to his mother. Don’t fall for lines like “It’s a work call” or “That’s an old college friend,” because he’s probably telling the same exact thing to the other women he’s seeing when you call. Often the amount of secret texts he sends is directly related to how many women he’s sleeping with.

6. He doesn’t fight fair

Whether it’s because your guy’s defensive or just a jerk, if he becomes excessively aggressive when the two of you have an argument, he isn’t fighting fair -- possibly the most detrimental trait of a bad communicator. Instead of dealing with the present, a boyfriend on the defense will often dig up the past, diverting the conversation away from him (which almost always means he knows he did something wrong). You should never put up with your boyfriend attacking you on a personal level, which includes telling you “you’re just like your mother,” and, our favorite, calling you “crazy.”

7. He’s lazy in bed

A laggard guy always positions you on top so he can lie there while you do all the work or pass out after you give him head so he doesn’t have to reciprocate. Sure, it may require some effort to get a gal off, but if you continually ask your man to go down on you and in response he sighs and gives a half-hearted “fine,” he’s officially lazy in bed. And we hate to say it, but if your man isn’t proactive in bed, he may be the type who expects everyone else, especially you, to pick up his slack in other areas of his life.

8. He’s a stage-5 clinger

Relationships work best when two people have their own, independent lives apart from the one they share. A man shouldn’t need you to continually entertain him or spend every second with him. You signed up to be your guy’s girlfriend, partner, or wife, not his security blanket. Think about whether his attachment is because he loves spending time with you or because he needs you to navigate each day. If it’s the latter, you’re more compass than companion.

9. He’s never around when you need him the most

A dude who doesn’t support you during a time of real need certainly won’t hold your hand through the birth of your child, the deaths of your parents, and any other high-stress or grief-ridden situations that you’re sure to face. Part of the perk of having a long-term beau is that you don’t have to go through life’s ups and downs alone. If he takes off when the going gets tough, you’re better off going at it alone.

10. He tells his mom everything

Momma’s boys are in constant communication with their mothers. You may not realize it, but if you’re dating one, his mom probably knows every intimate detail of your relationship, and takes liberty to weigh in on every argument the two of you have. Chances are, you’ll have to listen to her opinion -- a momma’s boy isn’t shy about voicing what’s on his mommy’s mind.

11. He’s stingy with personal details

Most men aren’t going to pour their hearts out and sob on your shoulder. They’ve been conditioned to believe that real men don’t cry. And while your boyfriend isn’t required to shed tears in front of you, it would be nice if he could clue you in as to what he’s thinking every now and then. If you’ve been dating your man for months, but you still haven’t heard one mention of his childhood or career aspirations, something’s not right.

12. He’s a text-a-holic

With e-mailing, texting, instant messaging, and Facebook, a true discussion has become easier than ever to avoid. We understand the inclination to hide behind electronics: It’s easier to tell a gal something embarrassing, devastating, or risqué when you don’t have to look her in the face. If your guy continually brings up serious relationship issues via IM, he’s avoiding a real discussion.

Source: iVillage

Tips For First-Time Sex

Sex advice from Ian Kerner, Sex Expert

Q: Do you have any tips for first-time sex?

A: Here are my 10 commandments for first-time sex, whether it’s your first time ever or just with a new guy. While I can’t guarantee you a religious experience, if you follow my lead I can promise you a sexual experience that will be all the more satisfying.

1. Safety first. There’s no such thing as totally safe sex, but you sure can be safer. Make sure he’s wearing a condom (even if you’re on the Pill) and talk about your respective sexual histories. I know it may sound like a buzz-kill, but heterosexual women have a higher risk of contracting an STI (sexually transmitted infection) than men, so it’s up to you to take a proactive interest in your sexual health.

2. Don’t have too-high expectations. Sex generally improves as you get to know someone and become more comfortable with each other’s bodies. So don’t feel pressured to make it the best night ever, because this is just the first of many.

3. Breathe. First-time sex can be tense and nerve-wracking, not to mention painful sometimes. Taking long, deep breaths can help you relax and let go.

4. Don’t forget to enjoy foreplay. All the stuff that leads up to intercourse — kissing, touching, oral sex — is part of the sexual experience; it’s not just about penetration.

5. Make sure you’re amply aroused before intercourse. Not only do you want to be genuinely turned on, you want to be sufficiently lubricated. If you’re too dry, he’ll have trouble entering you, you’ll feel discomfort, and the friction can cause the condom to rip. So, keep water–based lube on hand just in case.

6. Speak up. Let him know what feels good, and what doesn’t. Guys crave feedback, so don’t be shy about clueing him in.

7. Don’t assume he’s the expert. He may be getting a lot of his information about sex from porn and the tall tales of his buddies in the locker room. And, even if he is experienced, every sexual encounter is unique. He’s just as worried about pleasing you as you are about getting him off.

8. Don’t expect to have an orgasm. Of course, it’s great if you do. But, most women don’t climax the first few times with a new guy. Orgasms come with a sense of comfort and specific knowledge of each other’s bodies, and that takes time.

9. Don’t fake it. If you do, you’ll only be cheating yourself. Letting him know you came close and want to get there with him will keep him motivated.

10. His penis may malfunction. Guys get anxious too. Premature ejaculation and erectile difficulty are common the first time a man sleeps with someone. If he has a problem, don’t make a big deal out of it or worry that there’s something wrong with you or your connection. More than likely, it will work itself out.

Source: Cosmopolitan

How to Bust Stress for Better (Hotter, Slower, Sweeter) Sex

Don't let everyday anxieties take a toll on your relationship and your sanity. Experts show you how to beat your bedroom hang-ups and heat things up between the sheets.

By Hannah Hickok, RedBookMag editor

Sex should be a fun, stress-relieving, calorie burning break from your crazy to-do list. But sometimes, it feels like just another item to fit in between "pick kids up at band practice" and "finish book club novel." We asked experts how to turn off that majorly mood-killing internal monologue and get you both chilled out and turned on.

This inability to enjoy the moment is the main thing that prevents women from having amazing sex.

"At any given time, we've got multiple trains of thought, most of which have nothing to do with what's happening in the present," says Keryl Pesce, happiness expert and author of Happy Bitch.

"Yank the emergency brake on your runaway train of thought and choose to focus on the physical sensations and connection that come with sex."

She suggests starting with a small task, as simple as folding laundry: If you can bring your attention 100 percent into the present and relax outside the bedroom, it will be a lot easier to do so under the covers.

If those stray thoughts are nagging body image insecurities, you're in good company. But, if you're beating yourself up about the cellulite on your thighs instead of savoring how great your guy looks in his boxers, there's no way you're maximizing your pleasure.

"So many women have body issues, but fail to realize that what they see as flaws, their partner sees as assets — or doesn’t notice at all!" says Rachel DeAlto, a Flirting and Communications Expert and CEO of FlipMe Flirting Cards.

To clear your head and boost your confidence, DeAlto suggests mind-quieting activities like yoga, pilates, and meditation. As for what your guy can do to rev you up, DeAlto stresses the importance of offering emotional support. If he's willing to discuss issues, and listen to you vent, you're more likely to trust, and give yourself over to him.

Just remember, it goes both ways. Newly published research in The Sex Habits of Americans finds that more men than women turn down sex because of stress. Kind of surprising, right? Keep in mind "men and women each need different things to get in the mood," says Jennifer Jones, a staff member at the University of Pennsylvania School of Social Policy & Practice, who works with couples in therapy.

"You might be turned on by a sweet note or surprise phone call that shows you your husband is thinking about you, whereas he might need time to relax and recharge after a tough day at work."

The key takeaway: Be patient with each other and keep in mind that though you may be wired differently, the better emotional intimacy you cultivate, the more physically in tune you'll be with one another.

Emotional issues and insecurities aside, sometimes we all need a quick, foolproof way to heat things up. Relationship expert and radio personality Jenny Hutt recommends building up anticipation throughout the day.

"If we allow ourselves to enjoy the game in our minds, then our bodies will follow," she promises.

Try sexting something naughty during the workday — he'll come home primed and ready for action. Hutt also suggests getting down and dirty before dinner when you'll feel better naked, and be less likely to blow off fooling around. If you find yourselves in a sexual rut, jumpstart the chemistry with a quick trip out of town.

"Even a one-night stay in a nearby city can get the romantic vibe pumping," advises DeAlto.

If you can't get away, reignite the spark by doing something new together, like rock-climbing or hitting an amusement park. Lastly, relax! Take a bath, power down your cells and TV, and enjoy each other. If you can do that, the rest — a.k.a. lots and lots of action — will follow.

Source: RedBookMag

Steps To Orgasm Heaven

By GoodToKnow editors

Orgasm step 1: Practice on yourself

Around half of all women orgasm for the first time through masturbation. When practicing on yourself try not to rush straight to your clitoris. Take your time to explore other erogenous zones on the way and you’ll find new realms of pleasure that you didn’t know existed.

Orgasm step 2: Build up the tension with a date night

Half the fun of sex is thinking and talking about it, so, before heading straight to the sack, take time to wine, dine and chat to your man. Even going out for a meal or sitting in the cinema can be foreplay. A gentle stroke here and a nibble on his ear there, will all help to build up to an explosive orgasm once you’re back in the safety of the bedroom.

Orgasm step 3: Think of a fantasy

As well as being lots of fun and a great way to bond with your man, sex is also about escapism. So, it may help to completely switch off and indulge in a fantasy while your man is stimulating you. Imagining Brad Pitt’s tongue going to town on you is sure to get your pulse racing and edge you ever closer to the big ‘O’.

Orgasm step 4: Do your Kegel exercises

Research shows that women who regularly do their Kegel exercises experience orgasms more easily, more frequently and more intensely. So this one sounds like no brainer to us! Find your muscles by stopping your pee mid-flow – these are your pelvic floor muscles.

To do your pelvic floor exercises simply squeeze those muscles as hard as you can and hold them. Do this three or four times a day.

Orgasm step 5: Woman on top

There are certain sex positions perfect for female orgasm and being on top is a great for three reasons. Firstly, you’re in control so you can really make sure that you’re getting exactly the right angle to reach orgasm. Secondly, grinding against a man's pubic bone will create clitoral stimulation and thirdly, if he also takes some time to caress your breasts, you’ll be ready to explode!

And if all that doesn’t get you going the look on your man’s face while he’s looking at your body is bound to get you over-excited.

Orgasm step 6: From behind

One of the main benefits of doggy style is that you can use your sex toy or your hand to help you reach orgasm while your man thrusts away. It can also feel quite dirty and naughty to be taken from behind as well which adds to the erotic thrill.

Orgasm step 7: The old faithful

The missionary position is definitely an oldie but a goodie. Not only is it a great way to be really intimate with your man because you can keep kissing and cuddling while he thrusts but you can also stimulate yourself with a sex toy or your own hand.

Orgasm step 8: Tell him what you think!

The most important thing to remember is to be vocal when telling your man exactly what you like and what you don’t like. If he’s doing something wrong and you don’t tell him, how will he ever know?

Source: GoodToKnow

Sexy Lap Dance Moves He'll Never Forget

By Cosmopolitan editors

Naughty Figure Eight

Stand about a foot in front of him and slooowly swing your hips from left to right in a figure eight. Make eye contact and let your hands wander up and down your body.

Just a Tease, er, Trace…

Standing in front of your guy, lift both of your hands over your head, and sensually trace your left fingertips down your right arm, across your chest, and down the left side of your body. Then use your right arm to trace your right side of the body. The point of this move is to make his eyes wander exactly where you want them to…and to make him wish he was the one stroking you every inch of the way.

The Rockstar

Get closer to him, sit in his lap (with your back to him), and toss your head back so that your hair tickles his chest. Then start grinding into him. (FYI, you'll want to be on the very edge of his lap, so you have room to do this without knocking your head against him.)

Hot Seat

Scoot back a little bit so that your butt is against his package and grind your hips in circles—vary the direction and speed to amp up his anticipation.

The Electric Slide

Slowly lower yourself from his lap on to the floor. Put your hands on either arm of the chair, or use his legs for support so that you can slide off of him. (Bonus: He'll love the feeling of your butt gliding against his legs).

Erotic Crawl

Get on your hands on knees and crawl away from him (not too far—just a few feet). Arch your back so that your butt sticks up, and look over your shoulder and watch him enjoy the view.

The Pinup

Classic pinups like Bettie Page had this move on lock. Get up off of the floor by bracing both hands on the ground and sticking your butt up first (so your legs are straight). Then trace the backs of your legs with your fingertips as you slowly roll up to stand.

Cleavage Dip

Strut back over to him and put your hands on his shoulders again. Bend your chest all the way down and come up slowly so that your girls are thisclose to his face.

Sealed With a Kiss

Run your hands through his hair and (gently) pull his head back and slowly go in for a kiss. The mix of playing demure and dominatrix is what will make him want to throw you down right there.

Source: Cosmopolitan

Healthy Sexual Relationships

By WomensHealthBase editors

What is a healthy sexual relationship?

Does it mean that as long as I am using protection I will remain healthy? No. Is a healthy sexual relationship only possible with a spouse? No. Do both partners have to achieve climax every time to have a fit arrangement? No. All things do not necessarily come together overnight. It takes time and cooperation as well as sincere effort to discover what works for each partner. Many factors contribute to a healthy connection. Let’s explore a few.

Trust

Do you trust your sexual partner? Can he trust you? Are you both able to engage in truthful dialog about sexual matters? Have you been honest about your sexual risk factors? When having sex, do you trust one another to stay within the boundaries you feel comfortable with? If you can answer yes to these questions at the very least the foundation for trust is there.

Respect

Unless you are into S&L, the relationship with your partner should not be demeaning for either one of you. A healthy sex life is difficult to achieve if you feel a lack of respect from your partner. Open, loving communication can reveal sexual needs and desires. The importance of being treated well before, during and after sex cannot be underestimated. Have you discussed what you enjoy and what you don’t and your partner acknowledges these as he makes love? When you discuss preferences and problems, shame or ridicule should never come into play. Do you do the same for him? Without being respected, how can you truly trust?

It’s Okay to Say No

Healthy sexual partnerships should be able to take a “no” answer from time to time. Both of you need to feel confident enough in the relationship to be able to pass on having sex without the other being offended or grouchy. Of course, when the time just isn’t right for you, you need to be tactful. If he just doesn’t want to engage in sexual activities once in a while it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. If saying no becomes a frequent habit for one or both of you, then it’s time to talk about what is really going on.

Happy Campers

We all have our favorite positions and foreplay techniques. Your partner does also. A rich, fulfilling sex life incorporates pleasing each other, even if it means doing something you prefer not to do. That is not to say that you force yourself to do something you find really offensive. But in healthy sexual relationships, pleasing your significant other should be #1 priority. Satisfying him and he returns the favor makes two happy campers.

From time to time, one or both of you may not reach orgasm. This is normal. If you find that orgasm just doesn’t happen on a frequent basis, it’s time to have a conversation in order to discover how fulfillment can be achieved. In a healthy sexual relationship you can do that.

Source: WomensHealthBase

9 Sex Secrets Men Really Want You to Know

We got guys to open up and spill a few things they’d never say to a girl’s face. What they shared will make sex better for both of you.

By Sunny Sea Gold, Glamour editor

1. Guys like it rough sometimes.

John, 24, from Los Angeles says he gets hot when girls get grabby. “I like it when they pull my hair!” he admits. Tugging on a fistful of curls makes guys feel like you’re really into it. No need to pretend, but if the feeling strikes, go ahead: Run your fingers through his hair and give it a pull.

2. Yep, your guy does want to try anal.

“Most dudes want to have anal,” admits Alex, 21, from Chicago. “And if they don’t ask for it it’s because they haven’t had it yet. They probably want to try it.” So if you’re interested too, but your boyfriend hasn’t made mention of that end of the spectrum, feel free to bring it up. He’ll probably thank you.

3. Guys really do wonder if it’s too small.

You’d think that penis-size worries would end once a guy starts to use his regularly, but it’s not always so, says Dan, 20, from Kansas City, Mo. “The only things a guy likes to have stroked as much as his penis is his ego,” he says. “Tell him he’s ‘so good’ or that what he is doing is ‘amazing’ or the ‘best you’ve ever had.’ And, regardless of whether or not your guy’s penis is huge or tiny, please make sure he knows you think it is, like, the biggest you’ve ever seen.”

4. Men love it when you love your body.

Bryan, 32, from Hoboken, N.J., says a girl he dated for six months always kept her bra on in the bedroom—not because it was lacy and pretty, but because he suspects she didn’t like her breasts. “It took a lot of the fun out of it,” he says. “It made me feel like not only was she insecure, but she was also uncomfortable being real with me.” In the heat of the moment, the last thing a guy is likely to notice is your body flaws—so ignore them. Men do!

5. He wants to look hot for you.

It might seem like all guys do to get ready for a date or a sexy night in is hop into the shower and maybe, if you’re lucky, swipe on some good-smelling deodorant. But, be assured, they take some care—and they love it when you notice. “Everyone knows girls love compliments, but guys also appreciate them,” says Brian, 21, from Boulder, Colo. “A little ‘you look good tonight’ or ‘I like that shirt’ can go a long way and get us even more in the mood.”

6. Comfy can be sexy.

Sure, little lacy things are hot, but believe it or not, even your most comfortable cotton briefs can be enough to get guys interested. John, 34, from Chicago, says he really enjoys seeing his wife run around the bedroom in a pair of full-coverage heather-gray undies. “Cotton panties and a T-shirt is just as sexy as lingerie, just in a simpler way,” he says.

7. Men love it when you text an unexpected pic—even if you’re fully clothed.

“We’re a generation of self-photographers,” says Matt, 24, from Minneapolis. “Don’t be afraid to send a picture out of the blue. Even if your hair doesn’t look phenomenal.”

8. He wants (no, needs) to know you want him.

If you haven’t realized it by now, here’s a news flash: Guys can be a little sensitive and insecure about sex. “When your boyfriend or husband hints at sex, and you don’t give him at least some indication that you want it and like it too, you crush him,” says Chris, 20 from Memphis, Tenn. “Guys want to know that they turn you on.” So if you’re not in the mood, make it clear that it’s not personal.

9. What guys want most in bed is confidence.

Josh, 20, of Parker, Colo., says he just doesn’t see the point of being timid or shy in bed: “We are both there to have fun! Be loud, have fun and relax, and if you want to try something, speak up. Guys are always up for trying something new. Of all the situations to voice your opinion, why not between the sheets?” Makes sense to us!

Source: Glamour

Sneaky Things That Hurt Your Sex Drive

With the honeymoon phase long over, and the kids jumping in your bed at 6 a.m., an enjoyable behind-the-sheets session is increasingly difficult to come by. You can't — and wouldn't want to turn back time — but if you avoid these surprising libido killers, you can get back in the mood in no time.

By Holly Corbett, RedBookMag editor

1. Adios, Anti-Aphrodisiacs

If you don't feel like getting it on, you're not alone: "I see at least five or six patients a day who complain about decreased libido — it's a huge problem," says Mary Jane Minkin, MD, clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the Yale School of Medicine. "Many women are embarrassed to talk about it, but having a low sex drive is a legitimate issue that can be fixed." Often, it's a symptom of other issues you're working through in your relationship. However, these sneaky sex drive zappers can also be to blame.

2. Anti-Aphrodisiac: The Pill

"Testosterone has been linked with increased libido, and women with normal, natural menstrual cycles experience a small surge of testosterone right around ovulation when they're most fertile," says Dr. Minkin. Both types of birth control pills contain hormones — combination estrogen-progestin and progestin-only — which affect ovarian function, and can thus lower sex drive. If you're considering going off of the pill, discuss alternate, non-hormonal forms of birth control, such as an IUD, diaphragm and condoms, with your doctor.

3. Anti-Aphrodisiac: Allergy Meds

"Antihistamines such as Benadryl can dry out your vagina as well as your sinuses," says Dr. Minkin. "If you're not moist, sex can be uncomfortable. And why would anyone want to have sex if it's uncomfortable?" Use lubricants to make sex more pleasurable and put you back in the mood for making love.

4. Anti-Aphrodisiac: Thyroid Problems

"Thyroid dysfunction can lead to decreased libido," says Dr. Minkin. Signs of an underactive thyroid include unexplained weight gain, sluggishness, fatigue, increased sensitivity to cold, muscle aches, brittle fingernails and hair, depression, and heavier than normal periods.

5. Anti-Aphrodisiac: Relationship Resentments

It's tough to get turned on when issues are brewing outside the bedroom. "Accumulating resentments can kill your sex drive," says Dr. Minkin. And with the craziness of every day life, it's usually not the bigger stuff that will do it, but the small stuff you may not even realize has been bugging you — like your husband's newfound habit of tuning you out at dinner or an in-law's insistence on telling you how to be a better parent. The fix? Keep talking lines open and bring up any issues as they happen so doesn't spill over into your time between the sheets. "Making time to communicate with your partner will lead to increased desire and a more satisfying sex life," says Dr. Minkin.

6. Anti-Aphrodisiac: Antidepressants

"Certain types of antidepressants, such as SSRIs, can indirectly interfere with your sex drive," says Dr. Minkin. "We're not exactly sure why, but it’s probably linked to serotonin levels. Other types of antidepressants, such as Wellbutrin, may not have the same libido-suppressing effect." Don't be ashamed to talk to your doctor about low libido if you're on antidepressants. She can help you find the best medication for you with the least amount of side effects.

7. Anti-Aphrodisiac: Overdoing It At Happy Hour

You booze, you lose — your sex drive, that is. Wine can be a potent passion potion, but one that's best used in moderation. "The only way that alcohol helps your sex life is by lowering your inhibitions," says Dr. Minkin. "Other than that, booze acts as a sedative that zaps your sexual energy and can interfere with your hormone levels." Having a drink a day may be good for heart health, but downing any more than that may up your risk of breast cancer — and drown your sex drive.

8. Anti-Aphrodisiac: Boredom in the Bedroom

Famous sexologist Dr. Ruth has said that the biggest sex organ is not between your legs, but between your ears. Use your imagination to help boost your sexual excitement and break out of a lovemaking rut. If you've been doing only the missionary position in the bedroom, the need-for-new may go beyond your sex life. First, tap into your emotional connection by revisiting the activities you enjoyed when you first fell in love. When you remember that passion, it'll be far easier to awaken things in the bedroom. "To keep desire alive, you have to find ways to be creative," says Dr. Minkin.

9. Anti-Aphrodisiac: Blood Pressure Meds

Sometimes it's not you, it's him. "Blood pressure medications such as beta blockers can cause low sex drive and erectile dysfunction in men, and sexual problems with your partner can impact your own sex drive," says Dr. Minkin. If this is the case, ask your hubby to check in with his doctor about a new prescription. Solving his problem may boost your own sex drive.

Source: RedBookMag